Spoof: Floyd’s Campaign To Clean Up Sports
Floyd Mayweather has launched his new company to clean up sports with random blood testing. Here is his official statement announcing his plans at the press conference:
“I Floyd Mayweather am the Dr. Martin Luther King and Malcolm X of sports. I want to clean up sports and make sure no one is using steroids or performance enhancing drugs. So people can know they are watching the truth. I want to start by doing blood testing on Dwayne Wade, LeBron James, Shaq, Dwight Howard, and all the stars of the NBA, it’s amazing what they are doing in games, you don’t get that good in basketball, or it’s hard to believe, I want them all tested before every game and after, twice a day and three times on Sunday urine or blood testing. We gotta clean up sports now, it’s very important.”
“Mayweather Promotions and Leonard Ellerbe will run our testing, we are on a mission to clean up all sports not just my sport boxing. Then we’re gonna go to the NFL and get all those guys. Reggie Bush, Ray Lewis, Brandon Marshall, Troy Polamalu, Drew Brees, Peyton Manning, Charles Woodson. We’re gonna go to the NFL office and talk it all over with Roger Goodell. We should all want to clean up sports. Those guys are extraordinary but I want to know for sure if they are clean.”
“Then we’re gonna run over to the office of Baseball and let Bud Selig know about our crusade. We want Albert Pujols, Derek Jeter, Johan Santana, Roy Halladay, A-Rod, Joe Mauer, Ryan Howard, CC Sabathia, we want them all to agree to our testing protocol. If any player don’t agree, then they must be hiding something.”
“We’re gonna do the same thing to NASCAR, hockey, golf, tennis, everyone must be tested randomly when we want them tested. Because we care about cleaning up sports. Mayweather Promotions will clean up all sports because we care about the integrity of sports, it’s not just about money it’s about taking the tests to show people it’s clean.”
“I started a new company, Mayweather Money Drug Testing Company, I’m the CEO, Leonard Ellerbe is Vice President, Al Haymon is the silent partner behind the curtain, Richard Shaefer and Oscar De La Hoya work for me too. I’m callin all the shots. Teddy Atlas and Tim Smith will be hired as special investigators. They won’t be responsible for providing any evidence, whatever they say should be believed as the 100% truth. My father and uncle Roger will make accusations and allegations to pressure them to take the tests. HBO will do a 24/7 on our launch. I own boxing now and next I’m gonna own the NBA, NFL, baseball and hockey. We’re taking over everything, Mayweather Money Drug Testing Company is taking over all sports. Because we care about sports, it’s not about legacy or records or staying unbeaten, it’s not all about money either, it’s all about cleaning up sports and showing the world Floyd Mayweather is a CEO who cares about sports, I’m the next Barack Obama, Malcolm X, Dr. Martin Luther King. Manny Pacquiao works for Bob Arum and only makes $75,000 from Nike. Manny Pacquiao is not his own boss. He got knocked out twice and has three losses, I’m undefeated worth $200 million liquid, the IRS owes me $50 million, Dancing With The Stars got the highest ratings with me. I’m not money hungry, money doesn’t make me, I make money.”
Reminder: This is a fictitious spoof press conference statement and was never really officially made by Floyd Mayweather.