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Philip H. Anselmo: The Day Davey Went to Another Planet…

A while back I alluded that the WBA heavyweight title may as well be on another planet. Well, after the chaotic horseshit that went on my first week home from tour, I’m convinced of it.

It came as a shock when Fight posted a bulletin announcing that “Mr. Flappy Lips” aka David Haye, the fighter who won’t fight, but loves talking about it, would be navigating through the dismal galaxy to face WBA champion Nicolay Valuev on a distant planet yet to be named, instead of WBC king Vitali Klitschko.

After bellowing at the collective boxing world over and over again how he had “declared war on the Klitschko family”, wearing outrageous, but now meaningless T-shirts, Haye punked-out but again at the chance to back up his words with action.

He’d previously pulled out of his June 20th fight with now fully recognized Ring Magazine, IBO-IBF-WBO world champ Wladimir Klitschko 2-weeks before they were supposed to step into the ring swearing a “back injury”. Now this.

Haye’s reasoning? In his confused, discombobulated mind, winning the WBA title will ensure a Klitschko unification showdown. But Haye’s insistent Klitschko pipe-dreaming may have come to a halt.

You see, there’s 2 types of people in this world, those that do, and those that dream. David, sadly for boxing, is the latter.

“My dream of becoming world heavyweight champion will be realized when I knock out Valuev”, David had the gall of saying of the fight. “Mark my words: I’ll be the 1st man to knock Valuev out.” Sound redundant, hollow and familiar?
Well, to remind Davey, assuming he were to win, the WBA heavy title doesn’t mean a damn thing. Now that we have a crowned champ, the worthless WBA title is just a meaningless trinket.His chance to fight the #1 heavy on the Earth, Wlad, fell to shit when he pulled up lame before the fight. And now it looks for certain he just plain chickened-out of fighting the #2 man, Vitali.
And for those of us on this planet, #1 and #2 both share the last name “Klitschko”. And that’s where the bar is set.

Bullshit artist, space cadet and promoter of Valuev, Wilfred Sauerland claim they were very close to making a fight with Vitali, but say the WBC champion “couldn’t be gotten hold of”, and that “Team Valuev was under time pressure to get Niko a fight, and had to look for a different opponent”.

What? How naive does this buffoon think we Earthlings are? Wouldn’t Vitali be concentrating on his fight with Haye?

Bernd Bonte, manager of both Klitschko brothers didn’t bother to reply to Team Sauerland’s fool-hearty claims of such a fight between Valuev and Vitali, but is understandably appalled by the unprofessionalism of Haye and his trainer/manager Adam Booth. “He (Booth) didn’t even have the courage to contact me personally to tell me their decision,” Bonte said after finding out about David’s 2nd cancellation via media. “The reason they pulled out is because of poor pay-per-view TV figures of BSkyB in England.”

Yep. Seeing the sparse PPV buys throughout the UK for Amir Khan’s title winning effort against Andreas Kotelnik, Haye, with his deluded ego in tow, may have tripped out and skipped out.Bonte added: “Vitali and myself attended the Monte Barrett fight at the O2 arena in London and there were possibly 6000 fans in a 20,000 seat arena. Haye’s not a big draw in England at all.”

Win or lose in his bid for the WBA girdle, Haye has been such a dick to deal with, Bonte says the chances of making a Haye-Klitschko fight in the future is “zero”. “We discussed twice with the guy and he pulled out twice, so should we do it a third time? I would say at the moment, no.”

The structuring of the Klitschko-Haye contracts had it that David’s purse would have solely come from Sky Box Office revenue; the same contracts Haye agreed to when he originally signed to fight Wladimir. The arrogant-for-nothing Haye, expecting entirely more homeland support than he’s worth in the midst of a global depression, has found a new smoke-and-mirrors twist on his apparent cowardice.

“There’s been a lot of talk about the Vitali fight, but unfortunately I could never put my name to the fight contracts the Klitschkos offered,” Haye claimed, and proceeded to borrow a line from “Phoney” Floyd Mayweather Jr, another fellow dickhead:

“As for signing the contract, now that I realize how much support I have from the people in Germany, it would be like selling my soul to the devil. I will not be a slave fighter. Once I’ve snatched the WBA title, I’ll be happy to fight the Klitschkos, but only on equal and fair terms.”Support in Germany? Since when? Haye can’t give away tickets in his own backyard! The only reason the entire place was sold out, was because 90% of the people there wanted to see Wladimir knock Haye out cold! Believe me, I was at Veltins Arena that night.

Not only is David pointlessly annoying, the things he says are down right insulting to even the dullest of minds. He hasn’t even fought a top 20 fighter, yet he throws demands around like the fool who was donned king for a day. Contractually equal with the Klitschkos? Who the hell does this guy think he is, a dominant force? An avoided terror? A guy who’s paid his dues?He’s not. And the best part is, he might actually have to fight a fight or two before he really gets a shot at any belt holder, like any other contender waiting in line.

Former 2-time WBA bum, John “The Most Boring Fighter on Earth Next to Nicolay Valuev” Ruiz, the supposed #1 contender for his old belt, (the WBA ratings have had Kali Meehan listed as their #1 guy) is having a mid-life crisis over Valuev’s acceptance of the Haye fight. Team Ruiz and his battery of lawyers, including Budd Burstein, are ready to file any and every lawsuit available to stop the fight from happening. And they might just pull it off. Haye’s not even rated in the WBA’s top 10.

Ruiz has been a resident of planet WBA for over a decade, usually nestled in the organizations top 5 contenders, and won’t relocate anytime soon. If he secures another shot at Valuev, it will be for the 3rd time they’ve fought. Ruiz is 0-2 vs. the Russian. To be refreshingly blunt, a third fight between them would just be another awful disgrace to boxing, and add a healthy dose of fuel to the flames of every fight fan who insist the heavyweights are at an all time low. And in this instance, it’d be tough to argue the case. But remember, it’s the WBA heavyweight scene I’m talking about here. I beg of you, please check their website and the heavyweight top 10. It’s at least 10 times more laughable and absurd than all the other major alphabet groups.

I might eventually get proven wrong, but as of right this moment, David Haye has fucked up his career big time. He is a young man who had the world in the middle of his palm. Isn’t the ultimate dream for every fighter that’s 200lbs and over to fight for the heavyweight championship? Haye launched himself over the heads of every other contender and into the company of the elite Klitschko brothers by way of his mouth. Not skill, nor guts. And when his time came to “fulfill the ultimate dream”, he found a way to back out. Twice. That’s two-times more than most contenders will have in their careers. Now he’s offered a third crack?

Well, three may’ve not been the charm David was looking for here. It looks more like a curse.

The way things sit, the boomerang-like shroud of karma appears to be wrapping itself tightly around Haye. After all of the tasteless crap he’s pulled with both Klitschko brothers, David’s finding out the heavy price of disrespect. And, he’s cheated himself out of the gift opportunity of a lifetime.

With John Ruiz lawyered-up, expect to see Kali Meehan follow suit, literally. Valuev has to oblige a mandatory in his next fight or be stripped of his title. Will Haye fight the giant with no title at stake? Hell no. But he’ll have to fight someone, and it won’t be for any world title. My bet is that Adam Booth will dig up the Monte Barretts’ of the world. Maybe even keep it domestic with the likes of Matt Skelton, Danny Williams, Martin Rogan, or Sam Sexton to choose from. But rest assured, until some sucker rates this guy the #1 contender in some organization or another, he’ll be put in soft.

A true future champion absolutely fights under any circumstance when his time comes, and when he succeeds, then, and only then can he dictate terms. Wladimir Klitschko is the champ, and a dominant one. He and his manager have frozen Haye out of a chance at fighting for the sports biggest prize, at least for now. And I predict Ruiz will block the proposed fight with Valuev. My advise to Haye would be to pack breakfast, lunch, and dinner; it’s gonna be a long haul back down to Earth.
I should’ve titled this piece “HAYE DECAPITATES HIMSELF!”

We’ll speak soon.


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